Toxic relationships (family or romantic): healing the karmic trauma bonds
Narcissists work on your self-worth. They really put you down; they make you feel small, talk you down, and ensure that your confidence shrinks because this plays into the addictive quality of the relationship.
Relationships can be our biggest teachers in life, especially karmic relationships or trauma bonds where there is this narcissist-empath dynamic. These relationships are often characterized by very high highs and then very deep lows and cycles of abuse. Love and abuse can be so addictive. Whether it is a romantic relationship, a friendship, or even a dynamic with a family member, like your mom or your parents, people around you can trigger you.
Triggers are your lessons; that is something for you to look at because people around us are mirrors. There is a shadow aspect in us that resonates with the shadow aspect of this other person. We always have to understand that the world works in frequencies and resonance. If we are in a relationship where we get abused, there is something in us that is resonating with this. Simply walking away is avoiding the problem. What in you is resonating with this shadow? If you walk away, maybe another person will enter your life reflecting the same behavior back to you, and another person, and another person until you do the work—self-reflection on what in you is resonating with this type of abusive, triggering behavior.
If people abuse you, you might need to put up a boundary and walk away. Yes, maybe that is the lesson you are supposed to learn in this dynamic, especially for those who have been in very toxic romantic relationships with narcissists. Relationships with a narcissist and empath dynamic can be so addictive. It’s like you know it’s not right for you, you know you’re not being treated the way you want to be treated, yet you find yourself gravitating towards them. It gets this addictive quality, literally like a drug. You know it’s bad for you, you know there’s going to be a downside, but still, you want it. You want the highs.
This effect comes from the alternation between the highs and the lows, which plays into your attachment style. Because you get deprived of the good love sometimes, and it gets so horrible and abusive, whenever it gets good again, you disregard every bad thing that happened because it finally feels so good to receive some of their love and appreciation. This is what narcissists do. It is a very tactful, not always consciously, sometimes subconsciously, dynamic that they put you in where you start to become addicted to their love because sometimes it’s not there—sometimes it’s just the abuse and the horrible treatment. Then, whenever it gets good again, you become so excited and happy that even though the good is the bare minimum, often what you would get in any other stable relationship, it feels so good to finally be loved and acknowledged.
Another thing narcissists do is work on your self-worth. They really put you down; they make you feel small, talk you down, and ensure that your confidence shrinks because this plays into the addictive quality of the relationship.
I first want to talk about the purpose of relationships in our lives that trigger us, whether it is our mom, our parents, or sometimes even friendships, sisters, brothers, or any person on the street that triggers you. You have to understand that if a person triggers you, it means there is an insecurity in you, a button in you that gets pushed. We can point the finger and say, “That person treated me this way,” but we have to understand that the world works in mirrors. Everyone around us is just reflecting something back to us. It doesn’t necessarily mean we possess the exact same quality, but they are reflecting a shadow or an insecurity back to us. This is how life and relationships work.
Everyone around us is like a mirror. We like to think of us as separate beings, but actually, we are all one. We are one consciousness moving through this time and space. If you understand that truly, you understand that all relationships are resonance of frequencies. If you’re resonating with someone who is emotionally abusing you, especially when it comes from childhood, it is a very deep pattern that almost feels good to you. It is for you to look at that shadow part of you. It is for you to ask yourself questions like, “Why is this resonating with me? What do I get out of it? What in my self-worth currently is doubting myself that I’m even prone to someone treating me this way?” If we don’t do the self-reflection and simply walk away, this pattern can repeat itself in different people.
We come into this world with karma, with specific energies that we are invited to transmute—dark energies into light. The best way for this to happen is often through relationships. Sometimes we end up in very strong karmic bonds with people, whether it’s romantic, friendship, or family. These karmic bonds are like trauma bonds. There is resonance, but it’s not resonance in positive frequencies, like in frequencies of love. There’s resonance of trauma, shadow aspects of ourselves. Every person consists of light and darkness to different degrees, but these trauma bonds and karmic bonds resonate with the darkest parts of us.
Why do we need these karmic relationships, which are often much stronger than the lighter relationships? It is because we are invited to look at our shadows. We are invited to face our own shadows through these karmic relationships and trauma bonds. If we simply keep thinking, “Yeah, but the other person is at fault,” especially when you’re the empath and you’re dating a narcissist, it’s easy to think, “They’re being horrible to me.” But why is this resonating with you? Why are you addicted to the cycle? What shadow in you feels good to some extent with the abuse? What part of you is resonating with it?
Unless we go to the core and explore what shadow in us is resonating with this type of manipulative, emotionally abusive, controlling energy, the karmic bond will continue. These karmic and trauma bonds are the resonance of the shadow aspects of ourselves. Until we heal those and transmute them into light, this will keep happening.
I’ve been in a very toxic relationship years ago, and recently I got into another romantic situation again with the same pattern and dynamic. I thought I had healed from this; I thought I didn’t have to deal with it anymore. I had already walked away once. Why was it so hard for me to do it again? I realized there was something in me that invites this into my field. If the same thing happens again, it’s something in me that keeps resonating with this. Is it a fear of stable love? Is it an attraction to chaos? Is it insecurity or lack of empowerment in my solar plexus?
When it comes to karma and trauma bonds, feel your body where it hurts. I noticed with these karmic trauma bonds that my solar plexus and stomach get digestive problems and everything here clenches. It’s because your empowerment is being taken away. Understand the purpose of these trauma bonds; they are an essential, crucial part of life. They are here to invite you to look at your shadows.
Let’s talk a little bit about parents because parents can be an immense trigger. For some people, their parents are so horrible that it is actually the best choice to completely cut ties and walk away. I’ve seen this happen in my own family. Sometimes, that is the best solution when people cannot change. But for most people, we just have to accept that parents play a big role in our lives and are meant to trigger us. Your parents are very specifically karmically put into your life to push specific buttons in you in order for you to look at yourself on this earth. We are being invited to grow and evolve into our spirit and soul, releasing our ego and personality.
Even if we do this to a large degree, our parents still have the capacity to bring out our ego and trigger it. What I want you to practice is reminding yourself in those moments where you get triggered how much you love them. Remind yourself that they are also just on this earth walking this journey. Remember the good moments you have with them. Even when they criticize you or try to change you, it is because they care about you. They’re trying their best to love us.
So, remind yourself in those moments where you get annoyed or irritated because your family members are triggering you or trying to control you. They have the capacity to bring out deep parts of your ego. Amazing! You’re being invited to heal and clear those. How do you do that? Step above it. It doesn’t matter who is right; no one wins. Even if you’re right, no one wins. On the soul level, it doesn’t feel good. Train yourself to rise above that, but just simply in those moments of trigger, remind yourself of how much you love them.
To break karmic bonds and trauma bonds, let’s get a little bit spiritual. Sometimes, in terms of breaking these trauma bonds, one practical thing is to talk about it with other people. The less you talk about it, the more you are prone to their manipulation and get sucked into their reality. Once that happens, it becomes even harder to get out. So, really talk about it with others, get their opinions, and get their reflections. You don’t have to listen to it, but at least you’re not only listening to the perspective of the abuser or narcissist, who can manipulate you and drag you back in, making you believe you’re at fault.
Do some energy work. If you’re with this person where you have a karmic trauma bond, you can feel where it hurts in your body. For me, it was the solar plexus. Try to breathe energy into your stomach area to empower yourself. Think about empowering yourself, giving yourself strength back, and feeling that strength. Try to act from that energy.
Another suggestion is to do a ritual. Light some candles, do some prayer and meditation, and really set the intention of breaking that bond. Write a letter to that person, whether they’re alive or not, explaining everything you want to express and everything you want to release. Put it in a bowl and burn the paper. Try to do a ritual of releasing the energy and attachment. Sometimes, even just doing that ritual can help release the trauma bond.
Understanding and confronting the shadow within you is a huge part of this process. It’s not about placing blame on yourself but rather exploring why you’re resonating with this shadow. You have to understand it, and in that understanding, you will heal and find clarity.
Reconnecting with yourself and your true self is essential. Step outside of the shadows. Keep focusing on the love you feel and the empowerment you can find in yourself. Understand that this is a lesson and an opportunity to transcend shadow aspects in yourself. The more you address the shadow, the more you’ll heal and find clarity in how to move forward.
So, if you’re struggling with a karmic or trauma bond, just remember to keep doing the work. It’s about continuously being aware of your patterns and triggers. Don’t be too hard on yourself, and understand that healing and transcending these patterns is a journey.
Get into alignment with your highest timeline. Thank you so much for reading, and I hope you found this post helpful. If you have any questions or want to share your own experiences, leave a comment below. And don’t forget to check out the resources below for more tips and guidance on healing and manifesting the life you want. Sending my love!
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