How to Manifest Your Specific Person if You Have Anxious Attachment

Have you ever felt like you're kind of addicted to your specific person, like you want them so badly that it hurts? Or have you ever felt that you are clingy or desperate for them, and you really don't know how to make that stop? If so, this post could actually change your life. What I'm describing right now is called anxious attachment, and it's one of the main things that people who are manifesting a specific person are experiencing inside themselves. It also is something that sabotages being able to manifest your specific person. So in this post, I want to give you the essential steps to overcome your anxious attachment so you can finally manifest your SP.

Okay, let's jump in.

First, let's talk about what anxious attachment is and why you feel this way in relationships. So, you know you are anxiously attached if you feel any of the following: super clingy to your specific person, almost like your happiness depends on being with them. Again, like I said, it feels like an addiction, like you have to have them and you can't make that feeling go away. You also feel untrusting that that person wants you. Something inside of you says, "They don't want me." It may be playing out that way, but deep within you, you don't trust that you're going to be wanted. What this creates is an insecurity inside of you, a sense that you are not going to be chosen. And because you have this sense that you're not going to be chosen, you may feel things like jealousy or paranoia. You may even stalk your specific person because you have to know what they're doing. This is because, deep within you, you do not trust that you're going to be loved.

If you relate to any of this, I know that it can feel really awful, and I want you to know that I personally know what it's like because I used to feel that way too. Back in the day, I used to feel so unchosen in love, it made me feel incredibly insecure. I felt like I was never going to be shown up for. It was a vicious cycle, but there is a way through, and we're about to get to that.

First, I want to talk about why we are anxiously attached. Your attachment style comes from your early childhood, and I think it's safe to say it comes from your first three years of life. Anxious attachment is your blueprint for relationships, and essentially what it is, is how you learn to be in a relationship based on your early childhood relationships. So if, in your family, you felt left or abandoned or not really shown up for, then you can have an anxious attachment. And essentially what anxious attachment is, it's an ingrained belief that says, "Love's not going to show up for me." And we know how manifesting works—your beliefs or what you dominantly think is going to happen to you is what you create in outer relationships. And so, if deep down you believe that "Love is not going to show up for me," you are more likely—in fact, you're really, really likely—to create relationships where love doesn't show up.

Now, the good news about all of this is you can actually change your attachment style, and that's what this post is all about. I personally know what it's like to go from anxious attachment to secure attachment. There are specific techniques you can do, and when you move into secure attachment, here's how you're going to feel: you're going to expect people to show up for you—that's very different than anxious attachment. You're going to expect that you are loved just as you are. You're going to start to really believe and feel confident that you can have a long-term relationship. So changing your attachment style from anxious to secure is really, really important, and this is exactly how you do it.

The first step is for you to show up for your inner child. Sometimes I'm surprised how many people are really reluctant to do this type of work, but this can be the biggest thing that shifts your reality—not only with your specific person but your reality in romantic love forever. So, your inner child is that part of you that did not feel shown up for when you were little. It's the part of you that felt like, "They weren't paying attention to me," or, "They weren't there," or, "Somebody left." And that part of you is still inside of you, and it's likely still hurting from time to time. Anytime you feel triggered in a relationship and you feel like you're being left, or you feel like you're not going to be loved, your inner child has come up. Now it's your work to show up for this part of yourself. How do you do that? You simply talk to that part of you in a loving way. So, the way I would do that is, I would close my eyes, I'd put my hand on my heart, wrap my other hand around my body, and I would say things to that part of myself like, "I love you. I know you are scared right now. I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you." By learning to really show up for your inner child, you are healing that very part of you that felt left and abandoned by relationships, and doing so can be a huge way to shift from anxious to secure attachment.

The second step for you to take is to see your worth and value. When you have anxious attachment, you have that belief system of "I'm not going to be loved." It's some version of "Love is going to leave me," "Love is not going to show up for me," and essentially what all of that is, is a belief of "I'm not worthy of being loved." So, the way that you can shift this is to start telling yourself how worthy of love you are. This is really what basic or gentle self-love is. Start an affirmation process—you definitely want to try to do it daily—and say things to yourself like, "I'm worthy of love. I'm a beautiful person. I'm worthy of feeling good in my life and relationships." If you stick with this and you do this daily, you will start to see a shift in what you believe you will create in relationships, and this will shift what you actually receive from others.

The third step you want to take is to forgive people in your past. The thing about manifesting is we are always going to manifest more of what we are. And if you are still holding on to resentments from people in your past, you are identified with being hurt by other people, and that identification is going to create more hurt. So, forgiveness is not about pretending like you were never hurt, and it's not about really letting people off the hook, so to say. Forgiveness really is the recognition that hurt people hurt people, right? So when people are hurt themselves, they do things that can hurt us. Let me give you an example of my own life and how this really helped shift my attachment style. I used to hold a lot of resentment towards my dad, and the reason was he felt like he was unavailable to me when I was little. My parents got divorced; I didn't get to see him very much, and I held a lot of hurt about this inside of myself. One day, I had this awakening about the situation, though, and I recognized my dad has gone through a lot. He's had a lot of hard stuff happen to him in his life, and because of that, being really close to others is very difficult for him. When I saw my dad through this lens, I no longer felt resentment towards him—I felt compassion. I felt like he's hurt; he's just doing the best he can. And this is actually the truth for everyone else. So again, forgiving others is not about just letting people off the hook or pretending you're not hurt, but it's really a way for you to free yourself so you don't have to walk around with the identity that "I'm someone who always gets hurt." When you let go of that identity, you can shift your attachment style to secure and start creating a new reality in your life.

The fourth step to drop anxious attachment and move into secure attachment to manifest your specific person is to see new potentials of love. So, here is something that happens to a lot of people who are manifesting a specific person: they get tunnel vision, and I know this because I did the same thing when I was manifesting my SP. We can become so focused on that other person and getting a result with them that we forget to open up our eyes and see that there are other potentials for love out there. I am not talking about opening yourself up to dating someone else if that's not what you want to do, but I am talking about opening yourself up to the potential of a new type of relationship. When you are stuck in that tunnel vision and you are so focused on not getting the love you want, that is all you see. Your work as a manifester is to think differently, to imagine differently, to dream bigger for yourself. So you have to start looking around and seeing examples of couples that resemble the type of relationship you want. You have to really work on imagining being someone in that type of relationship. When you do this imaginal work, you'll become more familiar with this type of love, and that will be the very thing that will magnetize it to you.

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