How to Overcome Hurt in a Relationship (This Will Change Your Life!)
Hello, welcome! I'm so happy you're here. In this post, I'm gonna talk about one of my favorite practices, and it really is. It's a practice that people are really resonating with very deeply on this blog. This is the practice: a practice to heal any pain or wound that you have in a relationship. It could be a current wound or pain or heartbreak that you feel in a current relationship. This is also going to heal your wounds from the past if you have any past hurts with a partner or an ex. This is what you can do to heal it, and I just want to dive deep into this practice. Again, this is something that people are feeling incredibly touched by in some of my past posts, and so I want to dive deep into this practice. In this post, I'll talk more about it.
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Okay, so let's jump in. What is the practice for you to implement to heal any pain in a relationship, to heal hurt, to heal rejection, to heal jealousy, to heal feeling betrayed? This could be a current experience of pain or wound, or it can be a past pain or wound.
The practice is inner child work. People are very strongly impacted by this type of work, and it makes sense because when you're doing very deep inner child work, you're going within, and you're healing the original wounds inside of yourself.
So let me speak a little bit about this, and then we'll go into a practice of inner child work so you can feel it and see how it does heal you on the spot. We all have wounds that we are walking around with. For the most part, we are not consciously aware of what these wounds are, meaning we're not having a conscious experience of how we're wounded. Your wounds are essentially the painful experiences that happened in relationships way in your past, way, way, way in your past, and perhaps even in past lives if you believe in that. It's like your wounds are the painful experiences you had; you may not even remember you had them in relationships that are dictating your painful relationship patterns in the current reality.
So why is this happening? The inner child to me is that wounded child within. It's the wounded you; it's the one who expects to be hurt in relationships. So let's do a deep dive into this. It's really important to understand. This practice changed my entire life; it changed all my relationships. A wound in your early childhood is essentially having an experience probably with one of your parents, because they were wounded too. They come to you with their wounds and treat you in a particular way where you feel like love has been taken away. You feel like you're not lovable, you feel like you're not worthy, you feel like you've been abandoned.
It's a big one. You feel like love has left you from this parent, and it creates this actual wound, a psychic wound inside of you where you feel like you’ve been abandoned by love, essentially. Or it can be anything that hurts—essentially anything that does not feel good when it comes to relationships.
What happens is we are very impressionable in our early childhood. I've done tons of my own therapy. I've been in therapy for many years—not anymore, but I was in therapy for many years and currently training in psychology of mental health and wellbeing. So I am still learning a lot about psychology and how the human mind works, and I know I will never stop learning.
So we uptake these wounds from early childhood, and they kind of become part of our psychic identity or subconscious mind’s identity. Very common wounds that people uptake are: "I've been abandoned by someone I love," "I've been rejected by someone I love," "I'm not seen as worthy or inherently lovable as I am," "I have to do things for love," "I have to be good enough for love." These are classic wounds that are created in our early childhood, and they become part of who we think and feel we are without really knowing it.
So we move about our life, and then we become adults, and we're manifesting. I mean, we're manifesting constantly along the pathway of life; you're never not manifesting. But what you are manifesting in the outer reality is a reflection of your inner reality. Okay, so if you have even an unconscious or subconscious—when I say those words, I mean if you have a wound that you're not aware of but you have a pattern of constantly being left by partners or constantly not feeling chosen or constantly not feeling worthy or constantly feeling not good enough, what that means is you have a wound inside that continues to manifest that, right? Because everything we think, feel, and believe within—especially the dominant beliefs—are being manifested in the outer reality.
Okay, so what do you do about this? I know this sounds like a lot, and I don't want you to get discouraged if you're reading this and you're like, "Oh my gosh, it's really intense." It is intense; however, it's also fixable. I want to talk about a few things about this inner child work and what I'm going to teach you in this post. Inner child work is the way to start healing these original wounds, these wounds from childhood, and it's actually a very simple practice.
Why does this work? How are we able to heal our wounds from early childhood? Well, every now moment is a complete blank slate, so even if you have a past of being hurt, and even if you created a pattern of being hurt in relationships from that past moment all the way through your life, in every now moment, it literally is a fresh slate, and you can create yourself completely new. You can create yourself through your self-concept or state of being. I will link a post where I dive deep into that.
So how you think, feel, and believe about yourself in this now moment, and how you start to practice thinking and feeling about yourself in every subsequent now moment, changes who you are. So what I'm getting to is you're able to fully relinquish, fully let go of, and fully eliminate any wounding that you took on from your past by creating a new knowing of yourself in this moment. Inner child work is one of probably the most significant ways that I have found to do this.
So let's get into what inner child work is, and then I promise I'll dive into a practice with you. Inner child work is the practice of giving that wounded child exactly what he or she needs in this moment. So again, if the wound is, "I don't feel worthy of love," let's say it could pop up with a specific person; it can pop up in a random situation; it doesn't matter. But let's say you start to feel unworthy of love. That is your wounded self; that is the inner child. We can say that's the wounded child, and that is an opportunity for you to work with that part of you to let that part know that they are worthy.
So I want to say right now that you are going to transform all of your relationships with other people by transforming how you relate to yourself. I've seen this happen very significantly in my own life. I've seen it happen with clients throughout my years of working with people. You're gonna change how people relate to you based on one of the foundational components: as you change how you relate to yourself.
When you learn to be with yourself when you feel abandoned, when you feel unworthy, when you feel unloved, when you learn to show up and hold and love and cherish and care for that part of you, the wound is going to heal. The inner child who really still, up until this point, has not known that she is worthy, he or she is worthy or accepted or loved—that part of you is gonna start to learn a new story.
So essentially, you're reparenting this wounded self. By giving that wounded child exactly what she needs—which essentially is very basic: she or he needs your presence, she or he needs your undivided attention, she or he needs your care, and your softness, and your compassion—that's all they need. That's literally all your inner child needs. It's basic; it's just basic unconditional love. And when you learn to show up psychically with that part of you, what's gonna happen is your wounds are gonna literally start to heal.
When I first started doing this practice, I literally felt like these holes in my being started to shrink. It was a psychic feeling, but I felt like the holes, the wounds, just starting to heal, all based on me showing up for myself. So your wounds are gonna start to heal, and you're gonna start to expect different outcomes in relationships.
Again, I have done—I don't really do inner child work anymore because I've done it so much in my past that I really have healed a lot of these old wounds. But when I started doing and really started practicing this type of work, the type of man I attracted completely changed. My whole entire perception of love changed. I knew love differently because I loved myself differently.
This was so profound for me. It was profound because I changed my inner landscape, and it completely changed how I received love.
Let's do the practice right now together.
So I want you to find a quiet space. You can close your eyes, take a deep breath, or you can just be in your body, but just feel yourself here. I want you to check in with yourself.
So what I want you to do is think of a pain point in a relationship. It could be something recent; it could be something from your past; it could be something you've been holding on to. Just think about this pain, this hurt.
Now, once you have that pain, I want you to picture yourself as a child, as your inner child, your actual self as a child. See that little version of you right there in front of you. Maybe you see the age; maybe you see the color of your hair; maybe you see the clothes you're wearing, whatever it is, just picture yourself as a child right there in front of you.
Now I want you to speak to this inner child as if you are the adult you now and you’re looking at that child. I want you to have a conversation with this child. You can say, "I know you're hurt. I know you've been hurt. I know you feel pain. I know you feel unloved. I know you feel abandoned." Just go through all the things you think this child may be feeling. Then I want you to say, "I love you, and I want you to know that you're safe with me. I love you. You are worthy. You are loved. You are enough."
Feel the presence of this child. Take a few breaths with this child, and if you feel comfortable, I want you to give this child a hug. Just wrap your arms around this child, and just allow that child to feel safe and loved and held. Feel your own arms around this child. Feel how nourishing that feels; feel how loving that feels.
You can repeat that to yourself as often as you need. You can say, "I am loved. I am worthy. I am enough."
And I want you to just slowly come back to the room. You can take a few breaths.
When you do this practice, it doesn't have to be perfect. It's gonna take a few moments. You might not feel this huge release immediately, but it can shift your energy in the moment. You can try this practice as often as you want.
This is the best way I know to heal your wounds from the past in relationships, and it has worked for me and many others.
Thank you so much for joining me today. If you want to dive deeper into inner child work, mindset, psychology and mental health, make sure to check out my courses below.
I love you all so much! See you next time.
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