You're Not a Bad Parent. You’re Just Carrying Emotional Baggage That’s Affecting Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, you’re not getting this parenting thing “right”? Like your child deserves better?
You’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not a bad parent.
What’s really happening? You’re carrying emotional baggage that’s sneaking into your parenting. But here’s the good news: awareness is the first step to breaking free.
Here’s how to know if it’s affecting your child—and how to change the pattern:
1. You Criticize Yourself in Front of Them
You say things like, “I’m so stupid,” or “I hate my body.” You beat yourself up over small mistakes. Even when you think they’re not listening, they are. Children absorb more than we realize, and they learn how to view themselves by watching how we treat ourselves.
The Shift: Your child absorbs your words and learns self-worth by watching you. If you wouldn’t say it to them, don’t say it to yourself. Speak with the kindness you want them to have for themselves. Show them what it looks like to be gentle with yourself, even when you fall short.
2. You Overreact to Their Mistakes
They spill a drink, forget their homework, or talk back—and you snap. But your reaction isn’t just about their mistake. It’s about the unresolved frustration you carry. Maybe it’s stress from work, exhaustion, or even old wounds from your own childhood that you haven’t fully healed from.
The Shift: Before reacting, pause. Ask yourself: Am I responding to them, or to my own unhealed wounds? Take a deep breath, ground yourself, and then respond with intention. Not every mistake needs a big reaction. Sometimes, a simple, calm response can teach them far more than an outburst ever could.
3. You Dismiss Their Feelings
You tell them, “It’s not a big deal” or “Stop being so sensitive.” But to them, it is a big deal. When their feelings are ignored or minimized, they learn that their emotions don’t matter, which can lead to struggles with self-expression and confidence later in life.
The Shift: Instead of shutting them down, validate their emotions. Say things like, “I see you’re upset. That makes sense.” Help them put words to their feelings so they learn to process emotions in a healthy way. When they feel seen and heard, they develop a stronger sense of self-worth and emotional resilience.
4. You Expect Perfection
Maybe your parents were hard on you. Maybe you grew up feeling like nothing you did was ever enough. Now, without realizing it, you hold your child to impossible standards, pushing them to be better, do more, and avoid mistakes at all costs.
The Shift: Let them be imperfect. Celebrate their effort, not just their results. Teach them that mistakes are not failures but opportunities to learn and grow. Self-worth isn’t built on achievement—it’s built on love, acceptance, and knowing they are enough just as they are.
5. You Don’t Show Yourself Grace
You feel guilty when you fall short. You replay your parenting mistakes in your head and wonder if you’re messing them up. But parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Your child doesn’t need you to be flawless. They need you to be present, engaged, and willing to learn alongside them.
The Shift: Forgive yourself. When you heal, you teach your child that growth is always possible. Show them what self-compassion looks like in real life. Apologize when you make mistakes, acknowledge when you’re struggling, and remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can with what you have. That’s enough.
Your baggage isn’t your fault. But unpacking it? That’s how you break cycles. You are not doomed to repeat the patterns you grew up with. With awareness and intention, you can create a healthier, more loving dynamic for your child—one where they feel safe, valued, and free to be themselves.
Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent. They need a healing one. And the fact that you’re reading this means you’re already on that path.
The best gift you can give them? Doing the inner work so they don’t have to carry the same weight.
If this resonated, share it. Someone out there needs to hear it. And if you’re ready to do the work, you’re in the right place. Let’s heal together.
Blog: Awakened Soul
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